Friday, December 24, 2010

this christmas...

a month back, i wrote and i asked, is there still magic in christmas?  there were things which i was supposed to do, which didn't happen due to my busy schedule. as days, went by i forgot about christmas. i decided that it was just going to be another day for me. how very wrong was i....
today is christmas eve - and trust me, TODAY is not just another day, and tomorrow being christmas, WILL NOT be just another day. it will be a day that is going to live on in my mind forever. 

i was awaken this morning from a dream at around 6am.. barely 3 hours from going to bed at 3plus. 

in this dream, i dreamt i was surrounded by my late mom who passed on in 1996, my late aunt who left us in 2008, and my uncle. the similarities about them, while being of the same blood was there are all cancer patients. my late mom and aunt died because of cancer. my uncle, as far as i knew was fighting against cancer. however, there was another similarity especially in this dream. ALL 3 of them were healthy, glowing and laughing - just like how it was when i was a kid. watching these 3 adults laughing, joking and talking to each other over a cup of hot black coffee in our house. in this dream, we were in a place that was so peaceful, cooling and there was no pain. anyways, i thought nothing of it, just another "good" dream especially having the opportunity to "see" my late mom and late aunt whom i loved alot again. a chance to see those that have left us, brought comfort to my soul. hence, i went back to bed.

less than 2 hours later, my hp rang. normally if my phone were to ring in the mornings before 9am, i would not answer it. but today, i turned over from my bed, and saw that it was my sister calling. oh well.. she's probably gonna ask me for lunch later, i thought. however, when i took her call... she said, "jie, tonight u must come home." she told me, my uncle (the one i saw in my dream) had passed on this morning. i asked her for details, she simply said, she was informed he passed away this morning at about 530am! i was in shocked. we didn't talk much, i just said, i will cancel whatever plans i had and will be going back to klang.

after that phone call, i was in a daze. i mean, what kind of coincidence is this?? dreaming of my late mom, late aunt and now, my late uncle together at about the same time he passed away!.. before my mom, passed away things were very different when i was spending time with her 2 days before. and when it came to my late aunt, while i was working in singapore, i dreamt of her having coffee with my mummy. one day later, i got a call asking us to come back home, and when my elder sister and i was "flying" at high speed on the highway, with me on the wheels, i saw my late aunt waving goodbye. and before i could say anything, my sister's phone rang, it was my younger sister telling us that she had passed on. and today, this dream. i am still in a daze. is this a "gift" i have within me? or is there a bond of love so strong that we will somehow know.. ? i have no answer for all these. all i know is, i find myself saying, "it's christmas! it's christmas! why must this happen?!"

then i heard a voice ask me, "what is christmas to you, amelia? what is the meaning of christmas to you?" i paused at those questions. i didn't know.. until i logged in to my facebook account and i saw my youngest sister's facebook post - a video link. then i was reminded, yes this is christmas. christmas is about love - God's gift of love to us. and for this reason, we celebrate christmas. not the drinks, feasting and presents.

yes, today is christmas eve. and this is one christmas that doesn't feel joyous at all for me. how can i possibly be, when a loved on left us on christmas eve?.. but i know one thing. they are in a better place. a place where all 3 of them suffers no more. no more chemotherapy, no more radiation. no more medicine, no more hospital beds, no more tears. instead, my late mom, late aunt and late uncle are now in a place where they are smiling and having a hot cup of coffee like the good old days.  after all, wasn't i that lucky daughter and niece that they chose to visit together in a dream? .. yes, there are in a better place and while this is good bye, it isn't farewell. cause we will all meet again someday soon in a world so much better than the one i am living in now.

i love you mom, i love u aunty clara, and i love u uncle michael. i miss all 3 of you, dearly. and deep down inside, i know none of you is really leaving us. you were just the better people God decided deserved to live in a better place, without pain. and when the time comes, and till i see you all again, do save some coffee for me, ya? 

merry christmas to all 3 of you! and to my friends, reading this, merry christmas and have a happy new year.

i shall end this post with the video my sister posted on facebook .. xoxoxx

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